Being woman, being emotional!

I have known this for a long time, and it keeps coming back. ‘Why so much emotion’ is what they ask? My answer always has been ‘because i am so involved’, ‘because i am honest’, ‘because i care’…But did my answer, my response or my thought ever get heard? Well, I don’t know to be honest.

Many years back, I was on a project where i had put my heart and soul. The external stakeholders knew it and appreciated the same. The internal stakeholders also appreciated I believe but that was more because there was no noise, no escalation? So in this very project where i had put my efforts honestly, there was a situation which i did not appreciate and reacted. However when it came to discussions and negotiations, the real issue was forgotten and the main focus seemed to be on the emotional reaction. We did come out of the discussion with some conclusions but overall the emotional angle seemed to be dominating.

It has been like this for ever or so it seems. People who had hardly known anything about the larger issues at work, seemed to pass judgement, just because they happened to be in a position to do so. So basically there was no constructive feedback, but most of everything attributed to emotion and the real issues conveniently buried under the carpet.

These are gaslighting moments, when one tries to avoid the discussion and close it my saying that it’s the other persons emotions that are responsible and nothing else.It’s a kind of avoidance, of delving deeper into real discussions and understanding the other person’s perspective.

But there have been some exceptions too. There have been some who have listened. One supervisor of mine sat with me and explained to me every aspect of work, where i was doing well and where i could have done better without even a pinch of blame. The discussion was honest to the core and never got personal.

Then more recently, someone did all his best to get me what i thought i deserved. Well, he risked everything from peers to HR to get me the recognition. And one occasion when we were at an offsite, because he repeated something which he had already told me, i cried and cried just because one thought of him not trusting me had stayed in my head. He was kind enough to call me a few times and asked for my presence in an after office meet. I went there red-eyed, swollen face in some embarrassment of having to face all my peers. He said ‘thanks for coming’ and that changed my entire perception of him. Two days later, he chided me in a very friendly manner saying he will ensure i stop my crying business. That made me smile and i have tried to be calm ever since.

And more more recently, outside work I had a bad argument with someone and in some ways that was also attributed to emotion. I did ask for a discussion on issues which erupted mainly due to lack or gap in communication, and i was not too confident that it would yield some result. But on the morning of the discussion, a simple message to me saying that he would make it to the meeting on time set the tone for me for a positive discussion. The meeting that followed went on well where we sort of arrived at a resolution.

And i discovered from all these experiences that emotion plays an important role for everyone however seems like it’s only the female who have to take the blame. Well, that’s how we are — driven by passion, emotion and likely to react MORE!